Many children find it hard to cope with the school routine when they first start school and may show a reluctance to go to school some mornings. There are many bewildering adjustments to make and it will take time for them to settle in.
However, some children may continue to be reluctant to go to school after quite a few terms or suddenly become reluctant to go to school pleading illness like stomach aches, nausea or headaches. This could indicate a problem that needs sorting out. This could involve one of the following:
Physical illness
If you feel it necessary, take your child to the doctor and have them checked out physically – sometimes there really are physical reasons behind some of these symptoms which seem psychosomatic in nature. Children can get low-level viral infections or other illnesses that can cause them to be run down for months.
Bullying
A frequent reason for school refusal is a simmering or more virulent bullying problem within the classroom or in the playground.
Difficulties with friendships
Sometimes, children will be reluctant to go to school because they are finding it difficult to make friends or join in with groups in the playground. They may just have had some kind of argument with a friend or friends the day before and are worried as to whether they will be able to sort it out. If you think your child is having problems socially, then it is worth talking to the class teacher for his or her observations as to how they are getting along.
Personality clash with the teacher
Sometimes, a child will suffer from having a personality clash with a particular teacher. Teachers are flawed human beings, the same as anyone else, and will sometimes, in what is a totally unprofessional manner, take against a particular child. Your child might complain at getting picked on or punished unnecessarily, or being shouted at by the teacher.
You need to try to sort this out by not becoming aggressive or defensive yourself but by quietly trying to address the teacher with the problem. You could say that your child feels that they are not able to do anything right within the classroom and it is making them unhappy.
How can you help the teacher to turn things around? If you do not feel that you are making any headway, then remain calm but set up a meeting with the principal, putting your case with some clear examples of what you feel are unprofessional comments towards your child.
Sometimes, a teacher’s personality will not suit your child very well – maybe the teacher is loud and brash and your child is sensitive and quiet. However tough this is, children have to adapt to the difficult personalities of the world and will sometimes have to ‘bite the bullet’ and keep their heads down, hoping they will get a nicer teacher next time round.
Concentration difficulties
Some children do find it very difficult to concentrate, preferring activity to concentration. They are often easily distracted, and tend to think before they act. If your child is like this, then he or she may find it extremely hard to settle at school and find themselves in constant trouble for their behavior. This might be because they are wandering around the classroom rather than sitting still, chatting rather than working, or fiddling with things rather than listening. They then become reluctant to go to school because the demands for concentration and listening are perceived by the child as being too great for them to manage.
Learning difficulties
If children are struggling with the complexity of the work being given them, and feel they cannot achieve what is being expected of them, they can lose confidence and not want to go to school. It is important to work with the school in making sure that the work is adjusted (differentiated) so that your child can manage it, and to work in partnership with the Special Education Co-ordinator to ensure they get sufficient support.
Jealousy of younger sibling
When there is a new baby in the house, or younger children at home, some older siblings may not want to come to school because they think they are missing out on all the attention and fun. They need to be persuaded that they are not forgotten when they are at school and perhaps they will be doing special and fun things at school that their young sibling cannot join in with!
Anxiety about what will happen at home
If you are struggling with major issues at home such as bereavement, separation or divorce, domestic violence, money worries, substance misuse or mental or physical illness, then your child may become reluctant to go to school as they do not want to leave you because they are worried what might happen to you while they are at school.
Seek help for yourself when possible and always try to communicate the truth to your child in as much as they can understand things according to the age and level of maturity they are at. Reassure them that Mum or Dad will cope and the best thing they can do is go to school and be with their friends where they will be busy and learning things.
School phobia
Very rarely, a child may become phobic about going to school. It may begin with one of the above difficulties, but then become so all-encompassing that the child will become extremely distressed at even the thought of going to school. You must then seek help from a child psychologist who can help you rebuild your child’s confidence and work with the school to help get them back to school, even if only on a staggered basis.
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